Sex Again 101

Harlan Jacobsen Copyright © 2003

A TOUCHY SUBJECT WHEN YOU ARE NEWLY divORCED IS "SHOULD YOU HAVE SEX WITH YOUR EX " WHEN AND WHILE YOU GET divORCED?

When do you stop??...........
..............when you make the decision to split?

           (Some of course have quit sex long before they ever make the divorce decision.)

Quit when you file?............

..............Quit when you physically live separately?.................
........Quit when the divorce becomes final?

           When should you quit?


SOME WE HAVE INTERVIEWED STILL HAVE SEX WITH THEIR EX UP TO ThrEE YEARS LATER!

They date other people but also date their ex. .........Unusual, but it happens.

Sometimes, one or the other or both are divorced physically but not emotionally.

           Some have dragged their feet on striking out on their own to form a new sexual relationship.

OFTEN MUCH OF THE ANGER IN A divORCE RESULTS FROM BEING CUT OFF FROM A STEADY, RELIABLE SOURCE OF READILY AVAILABLE SEX

A story about a husband at the hospital maternity ward may illustrate the point: The nurse came out to the waiting room and announced, "You are the father of an 8 pound baby boy. You may go in and speak to your wife now."

He replied that he couldn't do that, as they had a dispute going and had not spoken in over a year. "

You mean to tell me," said the Nurse, "That you as a married couple have not spoken in a year?..........

............... How in the world do you explain this baby, then? " "

Well," he said, "we were mad, but not that mad."

SOME THINK THE OLD MAGIC WILL BE REKINDLED

In fact, it is sometimes better than it ever was while married - no resentments, no bag of injustices bottled up - so they are more relaxed, and some indeed make great divorced lovers, especially if the meeting is new territory, without old work schedules, relatives, friends, etc.

SO THEY GET BACK TOGETHER: HOWEVER, ONCE BACK TO THE OLD MARRIED ROUTINE, THE SEX IS RUINED AGAIN


So most couples go through this "try it one more time" stage.

           Almost always, it only adds to the original difficult, painful problem of coming apart.

We have even interviewed divorced people who have gone through this, three times, ...........
.........often just to reassure themselves that they did the right thing by splitting.

WHEN YOUR MARRIAGE IS NOT WORKING, YOU GET divORCED: BUT WHEN YOUR divORCE IS NOT WORKING, AND YOU ARE SEXUALLY STARVED, AMONG OTHER NEEDS, WHAT DO YOU DO?

You get back together? Wrong situation.

           Correct solution is to learn to fill your needs as a single person.

The alternative is to pull it off gradually and painfully, over a period of time.

          Painful as it may seem, we see "cold turkey" as the best method, though often

                taking the most courage.

Read the next chapter, Part 8 
 

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