Sex Again
101

Harlan Jacobsen Copyright © 2003

Not being a sex web site or newspaper publisher, we usually do not carry information or articles on the subject of sex. However, since sex is the biggest buggaboo or hurdle in dating the second time around, we will try to devote this site to cover some aspects that are helpful in getting on with a new and better life and help you avoid sexual traps and detours.

Here are some sexual points we have discovered and are covering at this site, that help you to understand:

1. SEX IS NOT INSTINCTIVE. The urge is instinctive but the performance is learned. (All higher animals including monkeys have to watch or have some instruction.)

2. MOST DIVORCED PEOPLE OVER 30 ARE STILL IN THE NOVICE CLASS. Did not have 20 years experience with sex--had one year experience repeated 20 times.

3. MANY ARE SEARCHING FOR THAT “MAGIC” LOVER THAT CAN REALLY TURN THEM ON. (Rather than finding a really compatible relationship and then developing a super sexual relationship.)

4. MANY SEXUAL PROBLEMS AND HANG UPS REQUIRE SOME “UNLEARNING” OR DEPROGRAMMING FROM THE PAST IN ORDER TO REALLY ENJOY A SEXUAL LIFE. For example, Mother said only “bad” people do it.

5. MOST SECOND TIME AROUNDERS FIND IT DIFFICULT TO TALK ABOUT SEX WITH A PARTNER OR ANYONE. No experience--didn’t talk about it in marriage.

6. INITIALLY MOST EITHER BECOME CELIBATE OR PROMISCUOUS. Go bananas one way or the other.

7. MOST HAVE A NARROW RANGE OF SEXUAL ENJOYMENT. Are conditioned to sexual response one way. Other ways are not developed. Training, experience and attitude changes can quadruple sexual enjoyment. Their sensuousness can be greatly expanded.

8. MOST HAVE ENOUGH UNREALISTIC FEARS TIED UP WITH GETTING SEXUALLY ACTIVE AGAIN THAT SEX

THE SECOND TIME AROUND IS STRESSFUL ENOUGH TO GIVE THEM AN ULCER. Fears:

a. Might not be satisfying to my partner, I might fail.

b. Might find me unattractive in bed without my protective shield of clothes.

c. Might hate myself afterwards.

d. Reputation--what will people say.

e. Catching HIV, VD or something dreadful.

f. Might freeze up and not be able to perform.

g. Might get involved after having sex with them and I don’t want to get involved right now, or at least not with this person.

h. Might be asked to do something “kinky” that I have not done before and am not comfortable with.

i. You become a bad person if you get to like sex.

9. MOST SEEM UNAWARE THAT DIFFERENT PEOPLE RESPOND TO DIFFERENT STIMULATION. What worked great in arousing your last partner may be a “turn off” to your new one.

10. MOST ARE UNABLE TO READILY COMMUNICATE WHAT TURNS THEM ON OR OFF AND THEIR PARTNER HAS TO GUESS.

11. MANY SECOND TIME AROUND WOMEN ARE NON-ORGASMIC AND MANY MEN EITHER CAN'T GET IT UP OR ARE “MINUTE MEN” and don’t know what to do about it.

12. MOST ERRONEOUSLY FEEL THEY HAVE ALREADY HAD MAXIMUM SEXUAL ENJOYMENT, WHEREAS IN REALITY THEY HAVE PROBABLY ONLY “SCRATCHED THE SURFACE.”

13. MOST FEEL INITIALLY THAT FINDING SEX PARTNERS IS DIFFICULT.

14. MOST HAVE TROUBLE INITIALLY SEPARATING SEX AND LOVE.

15. THE VERY IDEA OF GOING TO BED WITH MORE THAN ONE PERSON.

We will take up overcoming these one by one.

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